Losing Weight

Oh how I wish I could get into the habit of writing every day. I think about writing but the action of sitting down and actually doing it takes up time that I don't have right now. Being a mother of 3 I have to take care of my kids before I get time for me. Then when I do get time for me I'm doing all the "mother" things I have to do and when I'm done I want to veg out or sleep.

But today is Sunday and it's raining and one child is on a play date and other two kids are occupied with their electronics, so I get to sit and write.

It's Day 11of our HCG challenge and as of this morning I've lost 11 pounds. My friend Nick has lost 15 lbs. We are both very excited however we approach this challenge very differently. Where Nick is positive and motivated I'm negative and hard headed. I am a very disciplined person and when I set my mind to something I don't quit. If I'm loosey goosey about something then I'll probably quit. I also see things very black and white and I leave absolutely no room for gray. Nick on the other hand lives in the gray. I'm not saying one way is better it takes a combination of both. Balance is the key.

On my journey I've been listening to and reading a lot about food addiction and eating disorders. I know I suffer from both. I hope one day to get past my obsession with food and be able to eat normally. By that I mean not be so concerned with what I eat. I just want to eat healthy and balanced. I don't want to feel deprived but I also don't want to abuse food. It's a very touchy subject and a very difficult addiction. I can't abstain from food like alcohol. I have to eat. I am learning to take it slowly and one day at a time. I have to believe that it's possible to have a healthy relationship with food and not think about it 24/7.

Something I've noticed while on the HCG diet is that I feel less bloated and fluffy. The premise that the fat is released from our bodies and used as energy makes sense. I feel like fat is melting off my arms and legs and abdomen. I feel more tone. I'm muscular by nature but I think my muscles were hidden under a stubborn layer of fat. With the HCG injections that fat is being released and I feel and look thinner. Hopefully once I am done with this 30 day challenge I am able to maintain my new body in a healthy and not an obsessed way. That is my hope.

I've created a mantra to help me get through the difficult times when I feel hungry. You see when I feel hungry I don't know if it's real physical hunger or if it's mental hunger. Do I really need to eat or am I bored, angry, sad, etc. It's very hard for me to differentiate. My mantra is:

I am content. I am satisfied. I have everything I need. 

And for today I know I do.