Itching for Something

Yesterday (Saturday) was hard. I made it through without a binge or slip but it was very hard. Chris was on a camping trip with Jack. It was a gorgeous day. I was itching for something, anything. You see I am always itching to escape. Escape reality no matter if it's a good or bad reality. I just always want more. More Fun More Excitement More More More!!

But yesterday I just dealt with my wanting more one second at a time. I was totally aware of what I was thinking and doing. I took Jack to an exotic bird show with his class. Later I met Chris at the camping site and switched kids with him. I went to the grocery store in preparation for the Origami Owl party I'm hosting today then came home and planted flowers. After all that activity I was bored. I mean come on shouldn't I be entertained at ALL times? Of course the answer is no but that is a hard pill for me to swollow.

I was having a hard time deciding what was for dinner. You see in the past when I was alone with the kids I would take them out to a fun restaurant really any restaurant. But I couldn't think of one to go to that wasn't going to be a trigger for me. We usually go to Mexican but I didn't want to do that. Plus I didn't want to spend the money. So I pulled something together with left overs and I ate very well. Afterwards I had a decaf which is my sweet treat these days. I had two. I was itching for something. What? What? Of course I thought is was for food. But I know food is NEVER the answer especially right after I've had dinner. I'm not hungry.

It was a struggle to not go back into the kitchen and get something. Especially when my kids are having dessert and before bedtime snacks. But I survived.

I chewed gum and drank water and went to bed right after the kids went to bed. I made it through another night. I know it will get easier the further I get away from eating when I'm not hungry or eating for emotional support.

One Day at A Time.

One Night at A Time.