Yesterday was hard. Amazing what a good night sleep can do. I feel much better today. Stronger mentally and emotionally. I've got to take this one day at a time. It's a lot to realize how much I used food in the past. Even unknowingly. Mostly unknowingly. I never realized it because I've always used food and now that I've removed that drug (HCG 500 calorie diet) I'm noticing how much I actually used food.
Food keeps popping into my mind all day long. I fantasize about what I want to eat or what I used to eat to sooth me. I didn't even know that's what I was doing. I'm even dreaming about food. Not abusing it just eating it. I miss my carbs. I miss Pizza and Garlic Rolls. I'm not even thinking about sweets just carbs. I've been eating well. Tonight we had grilled shrimp and veggies on top of field greens. Very tasty and healthy. We are eating so good. It's my mind that feels deprived not my body.
Anxiety. Something I never thought I suffered from. I didn't even really know what it meant. Well apparently I do suffer from anxiety I just don't deal with it the way I thought people dealt with it. I thought if you had anxiety you were scared of something or weak. And you were cowardly. That is not how I would describe myself. But for me I deal with anxiety with anger and irritability. So what I learned is that you either deal with anxiety with a fight or flight mentality. I am the fight version. I put my dukes up and fight. It's all just fear. Sometimes I don't even know what I'm afraid of. Mostly it's just of not getting my way. The kids not obeying. Chris not doing what I think he should do. The good news is I'm finally aware of the anxiety. I can't deal with something I'm not even aware of. So first I become aware, then I accept, then I take action. So now it's time to work on acceptance. Not exactly sure how or what that even looks like but I'm sure God will show me the way.
Stay tuned.
No comments:
Post a Comment