Now What?

Today is Wednesday, September 18, 2013. Day 28 of the HCG diet. Only two more days of this crazy radical weight loss regimen. I weighed 128.5 today. According to Nick and Chris our scale is roughly 2 lbs heavy so I guess that makes me 126.5 lbs. Well that makes me happy. I've been at the same weight now for a few days. I also haven't been following the 500 strict diet. I've been eating very low cal but not 500. I don't really need to lose anymore weight. Losing weight has never been my problem it's keeping it off that is the challenge for me. So when this whole thing is over in two days then WHAT?

I won't lie I'm scared of gaining the weight back. I'm scared of abusing food. I'm scared of being so week that I give in to the mental obession and eat poorly. A slip is ok but I don't usually slip, I crash and burn. My fear is that I binge and can't find my way back.

I've learned a lot about my obession with food and my weight and my body image on this journey but what good is all that knowledge if I don't practice what I've learned. Maybe I'm fooling myself to think that one day I will be free of the obsession. Am I crazy to dream that one day I won't think about food 24/7. I'm not kidding when I say I think about food all the time. I think about eating it, I think about you eating it. I think about how it sucks that I can't just eat what I want. I think about why you can eat what you want? It's majorly messed up how much I think about food. I don't want this to consume me for the rest of my life. I know everyone thinks about food we have to inorder to know what we're going to eat at our next meal. So I have to believe that there is a way to have a healthy relationship with food. What that looks and feels like I don't know yet.

I'm working my way toward healthy eating. One day at a time. One meal at a time. This will be a lifelong journey for me.